A Lonely Planet Guide to Buckingham Mount

For my Travel and Journalistic Writing module at uni, we have been encouraged to write our own version of Jonathan Stern’s ‘Lonely Planet Guide to My Apartment’.

ORIENTATION
Buckingham Mount sits atop, unsurprisingly, the Mount, one of the steepest inclines in Leeds. The Mount’s vast incline can be daunting, if not terrifying, at first. First-time visitors are encouraged to seek medical advice before ascending the Mount, as first aid is not on hand for the breathless. After reaching the top you will be greeted at customs by a twenty-something in pajamas.
 
WHAT TO BRING
The inhabitants of Buckingham Mount are surprisingly generous, will welcome you with copious supplies of tea and biscuits. Customs will check with you how you like your tea, and it shall be provided for you. It is, however, advisable to bring a packet of biscuits as a gesture of your good intentions to the locals.

 WHEN TO GO

The best time to travel to Buckingham Mount is a weekend. Do not visit during the first two weeks of January or for first two weeks of May, as the locals are undergoing exams and will be distinctly unwelcoming.
LOCAL CUSTOMS
The population of Buckingham Mount enjoy anything that includes wine and garlic bread. It is a custom that once a week, an inhabitant will have what is called a Break Down, where the other inhabitants will comfort her with tea and biscuits. Do not be alarmed if this happens during your visit. In this situation, bring said inhabitant some ice cream, and fill in gaps of conversation with ‘I can’t believe that’ and ‘you poor thing’. Do not be afraid to hug the locals.




MALE TRAVELLERS

Due to a 100% female population, male travelers are encouraged to smile and be polite to the locals, so not to be banned from the country. Male travelers must always expect to have curious eyes follow them until the local women have worked out why you are there, and if they like your presence or not.

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